i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
