bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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