I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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