i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
