her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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