Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
