How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
