he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
