I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
