pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the day after is always just damage control
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
