haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
