Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
