She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
