Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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