3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
