Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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