oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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