I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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