I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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