hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You need a sexual gate keeper
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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