The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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