This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
