I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
