So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
this will be a night to untag.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
