We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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