I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
