I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The ass gains better be worth it
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