I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
