your parents love me but you hate me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
