maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize