if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just pee around me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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