if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
