I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
