I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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