I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do vagina's smell?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
