I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
