That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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