We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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