I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
