Church boner. Awkwardddd
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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