I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
