Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize