New low: just hacked my moms facebook
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sext me about skeletons
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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