Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
