i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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