This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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