I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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