I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
