God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
