Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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