and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
