I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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