Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
