Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
