someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
