Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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