Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
