Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize