Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
