good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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