My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
