everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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