Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
