so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
