It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
