Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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