i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
