at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
