if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I would ride that face into the sunset
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
