Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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