So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
