Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
