life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
