The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
