After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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