i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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