there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
