i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
