just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
