I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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