your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is Oprah even human
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize