Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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