How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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