wat bout pragnant strippers??
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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