Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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