I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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