And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
