I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
