He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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