he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
