He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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