Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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