i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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