i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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