some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You left your phone here
Wait...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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