You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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