would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize