I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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