your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
