I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
