wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
