Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
