I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
