he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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