i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
