I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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