Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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