I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
