So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
