Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
