I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
