took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
