I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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