I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
