RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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