Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
