ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
even my farts smell like vagina
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize