Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
