So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
