Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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