It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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